So I've been back at work part-time for a little over a month. It was kinda like dipping my toe into the water to check the temperature. Last week, I had to dive head first back into things for a week-long program we run every June.
The Dutch were here. I love this program and the students we hosted this time were lots of fun. I ran around all crazy for them all week, even getting a DVD recording of the Netherlands vs. Cameroon World Cup match to the cocktail reception on Thursday night. (Actually, that was a BLAST! And according to the Dutch, I have now made "friends for life." Sweet!)
Now they're back in Holland and I'm back at my desk full-time. Wrapping things up, getting back into the swing of my job. It's weird to be here just as I was before I had Ellie. Mike is at home, so I'm not worried, but I definitely miss her.
Last week was particularly tough. I felt so distant, so removed from my home life. I'd come home and I'd have no idea when she ate or pooped. How long did she nap? Did she learn something new today? Was she happy or cranky?
It's hard to feel so distant from my baby after all that time I spent being obsessed with her every move. There was a time when Ellie was all my brain had room to think about. Now, I have to go on with my life, pretending to care about other stuff.
I'm sure with time that it will all balance out. Maybe one day I won't feel quite so torn in half.