I'm obsessed with checking on Ellie when she's sleeping. I don't know if it's residual from her extended stay in the NICU (you know, when she couldn't breathe) or if I'm just a worrier. Would I be like this had she been born under "normal" circumstances?
Probably, but we'll never know.
She sleeps through the night, sometimes passing out around 7 or 8 pm. We won't hear a peep until about 6 am (I know, crazy huh?) because Ellie likes her beauty rest. If not for the monitor that Lish bought us, I'd probably be in there even more. As it is, I peek in about 5 times before I go to bed. Then, of course, every time I wake up in the night.
Last night, I tried to fight the urge to go and check on her. I heard her stir on the monitor (probably rolling or turning) and I immediately snapped to attention. The following dialogue played in my head.
Crazy Steph: "My baby moved. What if she rolled over and is smothering herself? I have to check."
Logical Steph: "Don't be ridiculous. You know she likes to sleep on her tummy. She'll be fine."
Crazy Steph: "She can't sleep on her TUMMY! What about SIDS?"
Logical Steph: "If you roll her over now, she is just going to roll over again before the morning. She. Likes. Her. Tummy."
Crazy Steph: "I cannot be complicit in this. She cannot sleep on her tummy when I'm conscious. If she does it on her own, and I'm asleep, I know there's nothing I can do. But if I heard her rollover and didn't fix it, and something happens to her... I will never forgive myself."
Logical Steph: "You're insane."
Crazy Steph: "You're the one talking to yourself!"
And then I get up and check her. So I guess I have to ask all the other mommies out there if this ever goes away? At what point do you say, "Screw it, sleep on your tummy!" and stop panicking? Ever? Or was my mom secretly checking on me in the middle of the night until I was 17? (weird)
Until that day when I can rest assured my baby girl is ok sound asleep in her crib, there's nothing quite as reassuring as those little baby snores and the slight rise of her tummy with every breath. Hell... maybe I just like seeing her that peaceful. Who can blame me?