Not to be cliche, but it's true that sometimes life just works out funny. I've often thought about why things happen, when and how they happen. And with Ellie, it's no different. She came to us exactly the way she was meant to, no accidents. I tried to blame myself for a long time for the unfortunate circumstances around her birth, but no matter how hard I tried, I kept seeing that it couldn't possibly be my fault. After a few months, and especially when she came home, I stopped trying. I just accepted that she got here exactly the right way for her.
No, but seriously, life does have very mysterious ways about it. Have you ever noticed that you bump into people after many years at exactly the right moment in your life that they would be helpful? Or how you find love when it's unexpected, earn a promotion when you're not trying, or find something long forgotten when it becomes more meaningful than ever before?
When I was pregnant with Ellie, my writing came to a halt. I tried to write, I really did. I blamed my preggo brain for obliterating all my creativity. I said I'd get better after I gave birth. The end result was that my novels - and all my writing projects - sat neglected for over a year.
While I was pregnant with Ellie, I also went for the routine ultrasound, got my little print outs, and promised to treasure them always. Somewhere in the shuffle of our kitchen table, and all the stuff I kept leaving there as a reminder to get some writing done, they disappeared. We moved from that apartment when Ellie was 7 months old, and I still hadn't found them. I gave them up for lost and was just thankful that I scanned them onto my computer. At least I still "had" them, even if I didn't.
In November, finally, I got back into writing. I wrote a new novel, one that I have high hopes for, and I set myself to the task of getting published again. And, you know, not only did I start to feel like myself again, but something amazing happened.
This morning, I opened one of my favorite books on writing and I found it. There they were, the ultrasound pictures. Somehow, I had tucked them inside this book, whether on purpose or by accident I don't know. But something precious to me was sitting inside this book, waiting for me to find them. Ellie was in my book on writing. Two parts of my life kept each other company when I thought they were lost.
And now I know that everything is happening exactly as it's supposed to.